Unconditional love calls us to love everything and everyone without condition. When we are loving life as it presents itself to us we are creative, energetic, and happy. When we resist what life brings us we can feel down-trodden, depressed, and anxious. These heart matters are vital to our health and well-being and can manifest in very dramatic ways. The more we ignore our heart's messages the more our bodies reflect this disconnection.
I found this out in a very personal and terrifying way about 6 months ago. I was driving my 5 year-old grandson to the dentist to have some stitches removed from his upper gum, when suddenly my chest felt like a ton of bricks was crushing it. My breathing became shallow and I broke out into a profuse sweat. I thought, “Oh no, I’m going to die, I must be having a heart attack!” I flashed to a radio show where I interviewed a number of people in their 50s, who had been stricken with heart attacks quite unexpectedly. Each of them had experienced a loss of some kind in the preceding year , and were feeling grief in their heart.
My mind then raced to the next scenario where I imagined I would be passed out and the car would crash with my grandson in it. Then a voice from deeper in my being said, “OK, now get a grip. You are not going to die like this. You teach meditation and you know how to relax. You can release this death-grip on your body.” I then forced a deep breath down into my lungs and willed my heart to slow and relax. Ever so gently the vice on my chest released and the bricks lifted. I then focused on getting us to the dentist.
I arrived at the dentist visibly shaken and still pondering this strange event. Had I really just had a brush with death, or was my body indicating something deeper to understand? In the ensuing months I have come to realize that I felt incredibly guilty about my grandson’s injury. as a few front teeth had gotten knocked out while in my care at a waterfall. While on a hike with me, he slipped on a rock and went down very hard. The screams were loud and the blood profuse. The trip to the dentist a week later reignited the trauma of the accident and mixed with my guilt at the pain he endured, caused my heart to deeply hurt. You see, I had not forgiven myself for not being able to keep him safe and prevent the accident.
Self –love is an important ingredient in well-being and I did not love myself for having brought him to a waterfall on a wet day. Though I logically knew there was no way I could have caught him before he slipped, emotionally I still felt responsible and bad, like a failure of a grandparent.
Whenever we judge ourselves as bad, wrong, or no-good, we proclaim our brokenness rather than our wholeness. Self-hate is the death of self-love. As I forgave myself for not preventing Makai’s accident, I entered once again into the domain of love. My body relaxed and I regained my enthusiasm for life. I remembered that life is full of ups and downs and that if I can perceive life through the eyes of unconditional love , then I will see perfection. My heart returned to love.
